I used to work in Chicago...

The old department store...

A major trunk road between Carlisle and Newcastle she wanted...A69 she got!
A representative in parliament she wanted... my fine upstanding member she got!
A standard telecommunications device she wanted...an STD she got!
Help she wanted...AIDS she got!
Carpet she wanted...felt she got!
A kitkat she wanted...4 fingers she got!
A German method of coal extraction she wanted...mein shaft she got!
A drowned cat she asked for...my wet pussy she got!
A suntan she wanted...a good roasting she got!
A lobster she wanted...crabs she got!
A wounded donkey she wanted...a bleeding ass she got!
Some Johnny Cash records she wanted...a ring of fire she got!
A recently exercised sub-aquatic mammal she wanted...a sweaty beaver she got!
A kettle she wanted...a teabagging she got!
A ruler she wanted...my 6 inches she got!
A cormorant she wanted...a shag she got!
A general agricultural crop she wanted...rape she got!
A pirate ship she wanted...a jolly roger'in she got!
A makeover she wanted...a facial she got!
4 points to win a snooker match she wanted...missed the pink and potted the brown I did!
Some manure she wanted...a fertilising she got!
A decorater she wanted...a good plastering she got!
A well ran election she wanted...a good polling she got!
A hammer she wanted...a nailing she got!
A nail she wanted...a screw she got!
A pringle she wanted...my wotsit she got!
A fishing net she wanted...my rod she got!
A carpet she wanted...laid she got!
A hat she wanted...my helmet she got!
A fuck she wanted...a fuck she got!

One duck...

One duck
Two hens
Three brown bears
Four running hares
Five fat females fisting for a fight
Six scillian sailors sailing the seven seas
Seven sheet slitters slitting sheet in a sheet slitting factory
Eight elevating elephants elevating in an elevator
Nine nymphomaniac nuns nunning in a nunnery
Ten ten ton Tessas testing ten ten ton trucks
Eleven elusive elvis elves elvising it up in Evesham
Twelve twittering transvestite twins twating around in a tandoori in Twyford